Finding an Angel Page 9

Her eyes wide, she squeaks out a yes. I demand that she apologizes to Carmela and she does before scurrying off with her proverbial tail between her legs. My throat closes tighter still. Honestly, I’m shocked with myself. I don’t know how those words even came out of me, but they did. Carmela is talking about how proud she is of me and how she’s never seen Evie that scared, but I can’t focus. The room is now starting to spin. Knowing what’s coming, I need to get out of here before I give these people any more reason to think of me the way they do.

  Hurrying across the room, I almost trip up the stairs as I make for the exit. Tears well in my eyes. Though tonight has been beyond magical, it’s also shown me why… Plan, I need to stick to my plan. My heart is already breaking for the loss that I’ll feel, but I know that it’s the right thing to do.

  “Hey,” Hunter’s voice fills my ears before I’m turned around and pulled into his chest. “Why are you running?”

  “I need… I need to go please,” I sob.

  “Of course, but baby you just ran from me. Did I do something?”

  “No,” I step back and reach up to wipe my tears away, but he beats me to it.

  “Tell me,” he quietly urges me.

  Just then Carmela and Parker run up all smiles. “Oh my God, Hunter! Your girlfriend is freaking amazeballs!” Carmela exclaims.

  They go into tell him exactly what happened between Evie and I, all the mean and hurtful things she said, her threat, and my reaction and subsequent threat and then finally making her apologize to Carmela.

  When his gaze meets mine, I see the concern in them, but behind that lies pride and of course love.

  “I’m so damn proud of you for standing up for yourself and Carmela,” he says softly. “But it doesn’t explain why you were running.”

  “She got in my danger zone,” I said softly.

  His eyes widen and understanding lit his gorgeous eyes. He knows now that my panic attack has started and he turns to his friends. After telling them that we were going to go, he ushers me out to our limo and we head out to return home. The minute the car was in motion he starts kissing me. He kisses me with more intensity this time, so much so that I get lost in him, making me unaware of anything except for the spot where our lips are pressed together. Slowly, my heart rate slows and my throat doesn’t feel so clogged, but I’m panting. Panting now not because of the panic attack, but because of the kiss.

  “Feel better,” he asks just a hairs breath from my mouth.

  Smiling, I kiss him lightly. “I love you.”

  It isn’t long before we pull up in front of my house. Slowly, we make the walk back toward our spot. Honestly, I’m excited to see what surprise they could have for us. Hunter is too. Soon, we round some trees and across the creek are lanterns surrounding a bunch of trees forming a circle. To the left is a table set romantically and a heater box sitting next to the table. But what shocks us both is we find a tent set up to the right where no flowers seem to grow.

  We both look at each other and smile.

  “Well, it looks like I finally get my dream,” he beams.

  “Hey just because they set it up doesn’t mean I have to have sex with you, Mister,” I tease.

  “Not my dream babe,” he kisses my lips lightly.

  “What is then?”

  “To be able to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up in the morning seeing your beautiful eyes right away,” he explains softly.

  “You’re too sweet to be real,” I tease then look down at my feet. “I’ll ruin my shoes and dress trying to cross the creek,” I frown.

  Before she can do anything else, I’m sweeping her up in my arms and carrying her across the creek into our own little oasis. This place has always been special for Jessa, well, the both of us really, but after tonight – even if we don’t make love tonight – it’ll mean even more.

  “I can’t believe you just carried me over here,” she says when I finally set her on her feet.

  “Another dream partially come true,” I wink knowing that telling her I see forever with her right now is not a good idea.

  “You check out what’s in the heater box and I’ll look at the tent,” she laughs.

  Inside the box, I find a very nice supper of lasagna and garlic cheese bread. Not fine dining, but then again that’s not who Jessa and I are either. Pulling everything out, I set our table just as Jessa comes walking over holding a piece of paper.

  “They left us a note,” she says confused almost.

  Standing behind her, I wrap my arms around her and rest my chin on her shoulder as we read it together.

  To our children,

  Seems there are a few things that we all take for granted that haven’t been awarded to Jessa as easily. Tonight, we give you those things. A romantic dinner for two, a radio to listen to music and dance the night away, surrounded by a beautiful surrounding. The tent is for tonight. We are allowing you the privilege to have a night together. However you spend it, well, that’s up to you. It’s been made aware to both of us that you dears want to fall asleep and wake in each other’s arms. We give you that. Remember, if you choose to move to the next step, be safe. You’ll find bags inside of the tent with changes of clothes for each of you and pajamas. You also may spend the weekend here as long as you join us for meals so we know that you are both okay.

  We love you both very much.

  Your Parents

  “Oh crap! We get to spend the weekend together. I get to fall asleep to you holding me again,” her smile was brighter than the lanterns that surround us.

  Unable to think about tonight or the weekend nights, I ask the safe topic. “You hungry?”

  As we sit there eating our lasagna, we talk about anything and everything. I’ve never seen Jessa so happy and carefree before. She is just truly radiant tonight. Once we were finished, we clear the table and she look nervous for the first time since we got here.

  “Can I change into pajamas? These shoes are killing me, but we can still dance. I just want to be comfortable.”

  “Of course. I’ll change after you.”

  Once it’s my turn, I open my bag and pull out my flannel blue pants with a black shirt. That’s when I see them. A box of condoms. My face flames even if Jessa hasn’t seen them. My parents bought me condoms. How mortifying. Shaking myself from my thoughts, I undress and slip on my pajamas and join Jess out near the iPod dock.

  “You got to pick a song. It’s my turn,” I grin.

  As the song starts, Jessa smiles and I pull her into my arms. “This is your song to me.”

  “Yup and we haven’t gotten to dance to it yet,” I smile as we dance to When I Look At You by Miley Cyrus. “What kind of Prom would it be if we didn’t dance to a song that means so much to both of us?”

  “In that case, I get next pick,” she grins up at me.

  All I can manage to do is smile at her. Even in her pajamas, she looks breathtaking. Her hair is fully down now and the necklace and earrings are gone. To me though, that was never her look anyway. I fell in love with the girl that could be covered in mud and still be the most beautiful woman alive.

  When the song ends, she walks over and plays her song. Trying to listen to it even as she comes back in my arms and continues to sway with together. The lyrics fill me and I smile down with so much love in my heart for the woman in my arms.

  “What’s this song?”

  “Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat,” she speaks softly staring at my mouth.

  “Perfect song for us. I can never get enough of your kisses,” I breathe right before claiming her lips with my own.

  When that song too ends, she pulls back stares at me a minute and walks over to pick another song, she doesn’t come back over to me.

  “This is I Won’t Let Go by Rascal Flatts. Your mom told me that you think of me every time you hear this song,” she smiles and turns toward the tent. “I’m ready for bed now. The song’s on repeat.”

  My heart jumps in my chest a minute. For a momen
t, I’d completely forgotten that we get to share a bed tonight and maybe the weekend if Jessa wants to. Hell, I know I do. Following behind her, I enter the tent where a queen bed has been set up for us.

  “I can’t believe this is happening,” I breathe before I can stop it.

  She lifts her head and smiles as she folds back the sheets and blankets. “Me either,” she bites her lip and I see the nervousness in her eyes.

  So, I decide to remind her that we are friends that joke and play with each other too. Kicking off my shoes, I jump and land on the bed on my back.

  “Well, Jess, looks like the great outdoors seems to agree with us,” I babble.

  “What do you mean,” she asks still standing there.

  “It is a great night for counting the stars, look,” I nod my head toward the top of the tent.

  She kicks off her shoes and climbs on the bed, nestling in my chest she looks up through the roof of the tent and sighs. “It’s been a perfect night, Hunter.”

  “Well, not exactly perfect, but hey perfect is an impossible goal now, isn’t it?”

  She smiles up at me and both our smiles disappear. Shifting her to her back, I lean down and once again taste every inch of her mouth. We’ve kissed a million times before and every single one of them is committed to my memory. However, this is… this incredible consuming kiss is the best we’ve shared to date.

  Honestly, I hadn’t expected our night to go beyond this, but Jessa never stops amazing me. Her hands push under my shirt and stroke my back with such tenderness, I feel myself sink further into the love I have for her.

  Pulling back, I look into her eyes. “We don’t have to Angel. I’m not wishing we would when you aren’t around, or trying to jump your bones when you are. The time I get with you is all I need. We don’t have to do this right now.”

  “I want to do this. I’ve wanted to for a while, but I don’t know… I just worry it won’t be any good and you’ll leave, but then I look in your eyes and all I see is love and I know. Even if it isn’t right, right now, that it won’t change us. After all, nobody’s great the first time around, are they?”

  Smirking, “No, I suppose not. Are you sure, Angel? This is what you want?”

  “Yes,” she states never taking her eyes from mine. “Is it what you want?”

  “Hell yes it is,” I almost shout and Jessa starts laughing. “Let’s take it slow okay? If at any moment you need to stop, we will, no questions asked, okay?”

  “Stop worrying about me so much,” she smacks me as she says it.

  “I can’t. I love you,” I whisper as I lean down and take her in a soul searing, soul changing kiss.

  Jessa moves her hands up higher, lifting my shirt higher and higher as she goes. Pulling apart, I remove my shirt before slowly removing hers. She lay there her chest bare to me and I can’t breathe.

  “Oh God,” I sigh.

  “Mmm hmm,” she hums.

  Taking my time, even as my hands shake, I cherish every inch of her body. I worship every bit of bare skin especially her sensitive peaks that have her pulling at my hair whispering my name. Moving my hand slowly down, I push beneath her shorts to find her pantyless. A groan escapes as I push my hand in further to explore the uncharted territory.

  With her own shaky hands, Jessa explores my bare chest and back just as I have done for her. But when she reaches for the waistband of my pants I have to stop her and look at her.

  “Angel, this is the first time for me too. I don’t want it to end too fast. If you touch me there, right now, we may both be disappointed,” I say as heat fills my cheeks.

  “I have done that to you?” The tone in her voice telling you exactly how shocked she is by that.

  “Yes,” is all I say before my mouth covers her and I push my finger into her.

  She groans and it almost sounds painful, but just as I’m about to pull back she arches into my hand. Now, I am a man. I’ve got my own hidden stash of porn mags and videos. But it was Hawk’s talks with me about women and how to please them that gave me the knowledge to know what to do next. Rubbing that sensitive spot with the heel of my hand, I push and pull my finger in and out, rubbing the top of her insides. Pushing in a second finger, she grips my biceps for a moment then her body relaxes. A few seconds later she moans loud and really starts lifting her hips. Breaking from her mouth, I use my other hand and pull her shorts down her legs and off as I watch the most beautiful sight take place before me. Jessa falling apart into ecstasy because of me.

  When she comes back down, her face is beautifully flushed and she’s breathing heavy. Removing myself from her body, I step off the bed and walk over to my bag and pull out the box of condoms. Pulling out one, I drop my pants to my ankles. After very clumsily rolling on the condom, I crawl up her body my legs between hers.

  “Hunter…” her voice breaks off, but I can hear the fear in it.

  “I’ll go slow. Tell me to stop when you need to and I’ll push forward again when you’re ready. Okay?”

  Swallowing hard, she nods her head. “Is it going to hurt as bad as some of the books I’ve read say it does? I mean you’re a lot bigger than what they show in them.”

  “I don’t know. Hawk told me that one girl had told him that it just felt like a small pinch and another it hurt. I don’t want to hurt you, but it’ll only hurt this time. After that it’ll feel good any and every time we reconnect like this. Okay?”

  “Slow?”

  “Slow,” I repeat.

  She widens her legs and I settle between hers. With one hand, I guide myself to her entrance. Taking a deep breath – and praying I don’t end this moment far too quickly – I push a little forward, just barely pushing inside. Jessa takes a deep breath and smiles.

  Keeping my promise, I go slowly – inch by inch. When I reach her barrier, I lean over her, pressing my body against hers.

  “Ready?”

  She nods her head, but says nothing. Taking her lips with mine, I mentally take a deep breath and push the rest of the way inside. Jessa tenses and cries out into my mouth, digging her nails into my back. Staying as still as possible, I kiss her deeply.

  The moment she tells me to move, again the strokes are slow, but the heat intense. She raises her hips in motion with my inward thrusts and I’ve never felt anything more incredible.

  “I love you, Jessa. I love you so much,” I breathe.

  “I… love… you… HUNTER,” she calls out my name and I feel her clamp down around me and that’s it, I’m gone.

  All I can do is follow her over the edge and enjoy the most intense, loving, memorable moment of my life. Jessa is my forever and I’ll do anything for her. Many would say that it’s first love and everyone feels like that. This, what we share, isn’t that. I’m going to ask her to marry me – not before I get a ring and a job to help support us.

  The night is full of many times of love making and each one feeling so much better than the last. It’s all because of Jessa. It’s all because of my Jessa, my Angel. So as we fall asleep for the first time in each other’s arms – knowing we get to stay there until we wake – a sense of peace like nothing else fills me and nothing will bring me down.

  Present day…

  Of course that next day our parents drilled us on how Prom went and even came right out and asked us if we had sex. We didn’t lie. Of course I wasn’t given a choice in the matter even if I wanted to because Jessa looked at her parents and said ‘yes and a lot’. Honestly, I couldn’t help laughing and even though her parents were shocked and mine too they laughed too.

  That is one thing that you got from Jessa no matter what, the truth. If it popped into her head, it was coming out of her mouth. Her mom had told me once that it was part of her autism. She didn’t have a filter like most of us do and because of her issues in understanding feelings she never knew that sometimes she hurt people with her words. Honestly, though, that was one of the first things I loved about her.

  However, the euphoric high that I had bee
n on ended rather quickly when she told me that I needed to go to Berkley rather than stay and go to the community college where I planned on because I wanted to stay with her. After a huge blow up that lead to two weeks of her not talking to me, I gave in and sent in everything they needed and was set to go to in two weeks from then. She broke my heart more than just making me leave, but it was her letter that she sent with me with a song called I Love You, Goodbye by Celine Dion. I can still remember the letter as if I was looking at it right this moment.

  To the only man I’ll ever love,

  I want to start out by telling you how proud I am of you for reaching for your dreams, just as you had me reach for mine. After a talk with your parents, I found out that you didn’t want to go to Berkley because you didn’t want to leave me. That is exactly why I urged you to go baby. I never want to be the reason you hold back from life. Especially since you are the reason I’m finally living mine.

  Before you there was only pain. Before you there was only darkness. But because of you all of that has disappeared. All I see is you and the love I have for you bone and soul deep. You have always put me – us – before everything and I just couldn’t sit by and let you do it this time. And because we are such good friends, I know you can hear the silent ‘but’ in this letter from the very beginning. Here it is…

  I can’t let you miss life by waiting on me for everything. Waiting on me has had its perks I will agree, but as the song says, I wish I could be the one that you deserve, but I can’t. You need someone that will be able to live without fear, hope without worry, and love you without bringing you down. Us being together – though as beautiful as it was – has kept you from so much that a normal teenager would have experienced. All I brought you were worries and nightmares.

  I love you so much, Hunter, please don’t think I don’t. I always will, but you have a world out there at your fingertips. As much as I wish it could be different Hunter it never will for me and you know that. What kind of person would I be if I kept a hold on to you and our life consisted of my house, your house or our properties? A horrible person is what I’d be. I can’t take from you what I can’t have when you can if you just let me go.