Finding an Angel Read online

  “What is it?” Mom asks as she comes out drying her hands with a dish rag.

  “Can Lyle stay for a little bit while his mom goes to the store?”

  “Of course,” Mom says as she makes her way over to the car to talk to Mrs. Willard.

  Lyle jumps out of the car and rushes over to me. He looks around at all the property and at our house. Smiling big, he rubs his hands together.

  “Oh, we are going to have fun Drewy boy.”

  “Stop calling me that,” I growl.

  Then his head turns to Jessa’s house. I see the question in his eyes before he asks it.

  “That’s Jessa’s house. She’s one of my best friends. I’ll introduce you a little later. Let’s go play some games. Jessa’s probably still doing work,” I say as I shake my head.

  She was already doing some college work even at our ages. As often as I can I tell her how incredibly smart she is. Per her normal, she turns it around on me and asks me about school. Smiling, I miss her when I don’t see her.

  “Why are you smiling?”

  “Oh, uh,” I blush. “Just thinking about something.”

  “Let’s go meet her now,” Lyle says, but something in his voice makes me edgy.

  Waving my hand in fake dismissal in her house’s direction, “Nah, let’s go play some games. I got that new fighting one.”

  Little did I know at the time that Jessa was standing outside watching us the whole time.

  “Really?! Well, what are we waiting for then. Let’s go,” Lyle runs eagerly toward my house.

  Taking one last look at her house, I smile and hope that I see her today before heading inside and taking Lyle up to my room. We sat in front of my television playing the game for an hour or so before my mom told me that I needed to get some air and off the game for a while.

  Lyle jumps up and claps his hands. “Let’s go see this neighbor of yours,” he grins.

  Unable to put it off any longer, I stand. It’s not that I was embarrassed to know her, but I didn’t want to share her with anyone else. No matter how much I begged my mom to be homeschooled, she wouldn’t do it. She said it was her breathing time and time to catch up on all the stuff I wreck when I get home.

  We walk down the stairs from the porch and he’s almost running in the direction of her house.

  “Stop, Lyle. You have to understand she don’t know you. She doesn’t trust people. Hell, we’ve been friends for six years and I’m still earning her trust. Please, let me lead this,” I plead.

  “What is she some kind of freak?” Though he’s asking it something in his voice tells me he already thinks that of her.

  Before I can turn us around and not introduce them, we make it to her property line and she comes running like she does every day. Smiling, I’ve missed her. Seeing her so excited to see me every day makes my day no matter how crappy it was.

  “Drew! Drew! I missed…” her voice trails off as she comes to an abrupt stop when she sees Lyle standing there. She hugs the doll I’d gotten her for her birthday a few years back. She wore a flowered dress and had a halo of flowers in her hair. It just seemed more her than her Miss Molly doll that was falling apart. She calls this one Miss Lily.

  Stepping as close as she’ll let me to her, I smile brightly at her. “Hey Jessa. Missed you while I was at school. Did you do anything fun today?”

  Her wary eyes never leave Lyle’s. “Mom says I need to pick up a hobby, but I already have one. She said I can’t do that all the time. Maybe you can help me figure something out,” she asks finally meeting my eyes.

  Smiling even bigger, “I’d love to. I want you to meet a friend of mine. His name is Lyle. He came over to hang out with me for a little while. Lyle, this is my best friend Jessa that I keep talking about.”

  Ignoring what I told him earlier he does two things right away that make her move away from me quickly, sticks his hand out to shake hers and steps closer to her. Quickly, I move in front of him and put my hand on his chest holding him back.

  Lyle starts laughing. “You are the freak that the whole town talks about. I knew it! Dude, you know she’s retarded? Why are you even friends with this freak show? When the guys hear about this, you’ll be a laughing stock.”

  Shoving Lyle back, he stumbles a few steps further away. “She is none of those things. She’s incredible and if that’s the way you are going to talk about her, don’t come around me anymore.”

  “It’s okay Drew. This is what I mean. The bad people find me. They try to hurt me all the time. They’re everywhere.”

  “Yeah because you’re a psycho bitch who should have never been born,” Lyle hisses. “You bring down everyone around you. Just like you’re doing Drew now.”

  I go rigidly straight. Through clenched teeth and keeping my back to her, I say, “Go home Jessa. I’ll be over in a little bit.”

  “Drew…” she starts.

  “Please Jessa… Go home.”

  I didn’t want her to see what I was about to do. She’d be scared of me and I can’t have that. It’d kill me if she didn’t want to be around me. I’d be lost without her. But Lyle needs to be taught a lesson and I’m going to teach it to him.

  “Yes, lil retard, scurry on home. Please do the world a favor and never come out again,” Lyle hisses.

  Before I think twice about it, I swing and nail Lyle right in the jaw. He stumbles backwards and I follow him. I punch him again and he falls to the ground. Straddling him, I wail on him and the whole time I’m yelling at him for hurting Jessa.

  Suddenly, a loud piercing scream breaks through my rage. I jump off Lyle and turn in time to find Jessa falling to the ground. Lyle forgotten, I run to Jessa and lift her from the ground.

  “Please be okay, Jess. Please.” I kiss her forehead before I bolt in the direction of her house.

  Her father is just pulling in the drive as I carry a limp Jessa in my arms. My heart is beating rapidly and I’m fighting tears because of the fear that something terrible might have happened to her and it’ll be my fault.

  Jumping from his car, he runs the remaining distance to me. “What happened?”

  As I hand her over, I explain to him what happened and feel ashamed and rage pouring through me as I recall the events of what just went on. I didn’t want her to see this. When you move as often as we had, you learn how to fight to protect yourself. Thankfully this was our final move and I’m glad it is too. My life would not be complete without my best friend.

  “Go on home, Drew. I’ll call you when she wakes up.” He pauses a minute. “It’s very stupid what you did, but thank you for standing up for her. No one does.”

  With that he hurries inside and all I can do is stare after them. My eyes never leave the house until I hear my name being called behind me.

  “Hunter Andrew Sandean! Get your butt over here right this minute.”

  Turning, I see my mom standing next to a very messed up Lyle. Glaring at him the whole time I walk over to them, I stop in front of my mom not taking my eyes off Lyle.

  “Yes, Ma’am?”

  “What is this,” she asks as she points to Lyle.

  “Lyle started attacking Jessa. I stood up for her. Not my fault he’s a pussy,” I growl.

  “You were attacking little Jessa,” my mom questions Lyle.

  “She’s a retard,” he slurs through his swollen and bloody face.

  “That’s quite enough from you. I’m calling your mother. You’re no longer allowed over to our house anymore,” she starts to turn and my dad pulls in.

  I groan because I just know he’s going to lay into me for this.

  “What the heck happened here,” he asks shocked looking over Lyle.

  “Your son beat him up for attacking Jessa,” my mom states before walking off and going inside.

  “You did this to him,” my father asks.

  Closing my eyes, I wait for it. “Yes, Sir. No one hurts Jessa while I’m around or ever,” I hiss looking at Lyle.

  “We’ll talk later,
son,” his tone is clip and I can’t tell what emotion he’s holding in.

  Sighing, we all walk inside and wait for Mrs. Willard to show up. When she sees her son, my mom and her start getting in an argument over what happened to Lyle while we sit around the dining room table. Mrs. Willard condones her son’s comments and says she agrees with them wholeheartedly.

  “Then you’re both idiots!” I yell.

  “Hunter,” my father warns, but I don’t take the hint.

  “Jessa is an incredible person. She brightens my days no matter how crappy they’ve been. Just being around her makes them better. She’s incredibly smart. At thirteen, she’s doing college work. Your son is barely passing and was suspended today for telling a teacher to suck him.”

  Mrs. Willard gasps as she looks down at her son.

  “Jessa is the strongest, smartest, most talented, loving, beautiful soul I’ve ever met. She did not deserve the treatment she received from your son nor the horrible thoughts from you,” I glare at Lyle’s mom. “Maybe you should take a look at your own life before you insult other people. Because your husband is sleeping with the teacher that Lyle told to suck him. Your family is far from perfect,” I say wanting them to feel the pain that I know Jessa feels all day and night long. Childish behavior maybe, but at this point, I just don’t care. “At least that’s what Lyle tells me. So, as my mom and Dad always tell me. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. No one is perfect or better than someone else just because they live a different way. We’re different for a reason. She’s not a freak, but you are close minded if you can’t open your eyes and see what she is capable of.”

  “I think you’ve made your point son…” My dad tries again to get me to stop talking, but I can’t. Not when the last image in my head is of her falling to the ground and being so limp in my arms as I carry her over to her father.

  “No, no I haven’t. Jessa says there are bad people everywhere and I keep telling her that she is wrong. Maybe she isn’t. This town seems to be quick to judge her based on what they think instead of what they know. Yeah, she has medical problems, but she fights them and still finds a reason to smile every day. Even when people like you rip her down and take away more of her with your nasty words. One day, one day, she’s going to do something incredible and you all will wish you had taken a moment to look past the shell and see the pearl inside. If your son comes near her again, I will beat the crap out of him again. I don’t even want him near her to apologize, not that you’ll make him because you condone his behavior. No one will hurt my Jessa as long as I can help it.”

  My father places his hand on my arm and I look up at my parents. Mom has tears in her eyes and Dad tries to hide a smirk on his face. “Are you done now son?”

  “Yes, I don’t want to see them anymore. Oh wait one more thing. Lyle you can go back and tell the guys whatever you want about me. Jessa is a real friend and I’m beginning to realize just how important she is to me. If you all want to give me hell because I care about her, go for it. I don’t care.” Looking at my parents, “Now I’m done. I’ll go to my room because I’m sure I’m in trouble for my behavior no matter if it was for a good reason. Mr. Rawlins said he’d call and let me know when Jessa wakes. Please allow me to see her.”

  I stand from the table and head up to my room.

  Thirteen years old…

  Standing outside on the edge of our driveway, I watch as Drew brings a friend home from school. He’s never done that before. Hugging Lily tighter, I hear them. They’re coming for me.

  “What do you think they’re talking about Miss Lily?” I ask her as I watch them looking in this direction.

  That kid is probably telling him to stay away from us. That we’re crazy.

  “Hunter would never listen. He’s my best friend,” my voice small as I watch them continue to talk.

  You didn’t think that about the kids at school, or the people that are chasing us now. Did you?

  Quickly, I look around to see if we are still safe. Daddy’s not home yet. And Hunter is busy, I guess. That’s when I saw him wave his hand in my direction. It wasn’t a wave hello. No, I know that wave.

  “You can’t be right, Miss Lily. He wouldn’t turn his back on us now,” I say as fear lances through me and I watch him and the boy go inside his house. “Would he?”

  Jessa tell me who’s stuck around other than our parents?

  Miss Lily’s question was fair. Who has stuck around? Hunter has. He’s been here since we were seven. We’re thirteen now. He’s stuck around the longest. I feel safe with him. Like I feel when Daddy’s home.

  “There’s no way he’ll hurt us, Miss Lily. I just know it.”

  “Jessa?”

  Turning, I see my mom standing on the porch. Walking over, I try to pretend my heart didn’t hurt that he didn’t come and see me like he always does. Walking up on the porch, I sat at the outside table.

  “Yes, Mama?”

  “What’s wrong, first?”

  “I miss Hunter,” I say quietly afraid the bad people might hear. They might hurt him.

  “Well, he should be home from school soon,” Mom smiles.

  “He is. He has a friend over and went into his house instead of coming over here like he always does. I waited like I always do,” I frown.

  Mom squats down in front of me and takes my hand, making me let go of Miss Lily a little. She looks in my eyes and I can’t stop it, a tear falls.

  “You really care about him, don’t you sweetie?”

  “He’s the only person that has seen me and not ran the other way. But it’s more than that Mama. Hunter is my best friend. He protects me from everything and makes me laugh.”

  She sighs and kisses my hands. “I know that routines are important to you honey. I know you depend on them and feel off when something throws it off. But sweetie, he’s going to have other friends than you. And he needs to. He’s a growing boy and boys need boys for friends too. I’m sorry that you don’t have any other friends. I wish I could change that for you, but baby, don’t get upset with him because he has other friends.”

  “It makes me feel… I feel…”

  This is one of the things that we’ve been working on. Me trying to figure out how I feel. I don’t understand them. They don’t make sense to me. Sometimes I wonder if they ever will. But right now, right now I do know what I feel, or at least I think I do.

  “What do you feel baby?” My mom’s voice tells me she’s hoping I know.

  “Lonely. Left behind. Like trash. Unwanted. Uncared about. Unloved,” I scream as the tears fall down my cheeks.

  “Oh, honey,” Mom says with tears in her eyes.

  Standing up, I move away from her. “Why do I have to be this way? Why can’t I be like them,” I point to Hunter’s house. “What did I do to have to live like this?”

  “Honey, you have so much more going for you other than your illnesses.”

  Turning to her, I glare. “Tell me what I do because all I see is pain. Is rejection. Is hatred. Guilt. Sadness. Please tell me what there is good and I’ll do my best to focus on that,” I scream again.

  As I scream, I see one. He’s near the garage. My whole body starts trembling. They’re going to win. And I’m finding it harder and harder to not let them.

  “You know what you need to do. You need to come up with a hobby. Something to do while Hunter plays with his friends so you don’t feel all those things. Think about it. Think about something that you’d find comfort in we’ll get everything for you to do that.”

  “A hobby,” I ask, skeptically.

  “Yes, honey, it can be anything you like doing. But it can’t involve Hunter. It’s what you can do without him so you don’t miss him so much. You think about it and I’ll go check on supper. Daddy can pick up any supplies you need. You just have to tell us what you want.”

  Nodding my head, my mom goes inside. Staring at the closed door for a moment, I think about what Mom has just said. How was a hobby supposed to
make me not miss Hunter when he wasn’t around? He’s my best friend. My only friend. How would any stupid hobby replace a person?

  Hunter won’t be around forever. He’ll grow tired of your ugliness, your stupidity, your freakish ways. Soon, he’ll stop coming around all together. Retards aren’t meant to enjoy life. All they do is suck it from others, one of the bad people hisses from by the garage.

  “He will not,” I say staring at his house, but not feeling the convictions in my own words.

  No one stays around you. When will you see that no one ever will, the bad voice snarls at me.

  Tears well in my eyes. What if the bad voice is right? What if Hunter leaves me like everyone else? Worse yet, what if he sees me how everyone else does?

  Standing, I walk off the porch holding Miss Lily extra close with the bad voice so close. He was really rather ugly. Sometimes I wonder if that’s because of the ugly words he says all the time.

  Walking to the edge of the driveway, I stare at their house. “He should run from me,” I kiss Miss Lily on the top of her head.

  The day Hunter gave this to me, I was in tears. Miss Molly was falling apart and we couldn’t fix her anymore. Old age caught up to her. She promised me there’d be someone new to protect me and to just be patient before she died. Hunter came over the next day and gave me Miss Lily. He sprayed it with his cologne and kissed the top of her head before handing her to me.

  Taking a deep breath, I still smelled the faint scent of his cologne. Smiling softly, I remember his softly spoken words when we buried Miss Molly. He promised he’d protect me from now on. So when he handed me Miss Lily, he said that she’d always smell like he was with me and hopefully offer me comfort. She has.

  “Miss Lily, we won’t lose him right?”

  I think he will be with us for a very long time.

  “Why do you think that?” I ask her never taking my eyes off his house.

  Because I think he feels the same way you do about him.

  I gasp and look down at her. She just smiles at me. Could he really feel the same about me? Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I feel for him exactly, but it was more than just friendship, I think. I’m afraid to talk to Mom and Dad about it in fear they’d keep him away from me. I don’t want to lose him. Actually, I’m not sure I could handle losing him.